the shit theater by benjohnson
Rating: 40%, Read 12934 times, Posted Sep 21, 2013
I was only nineteen four years ago when I first set eyes on colonel sanders. I knew from the first glance that the colonel was one of those high-maintenance men. But his chicken was a ridiculously hot. This isn't really a story about him, but he does pop up from time-to-time. The little blonde was “auditioning” for the role of 'onlooker no.3' in a production put on by Summer house industrial Theatre, or SHIT for short. The program was comprised of a handful of college kids along with a bunch of the lollipop gang. the colonel was getting the part was a done deal. he had both performed in shows up at Northwestern and looked young enough to pull off the image most people had of 'on looker no.3'. 'on looker no.3' is actually supposed to be thirteen, but people got a little queasy about that in this day and age, so he was usually cast as being an older teen. the colonel was twenty-one, but he could pull off the skin off all the chicken.
I was one of the other college kids, and I was kind of hoping for foghorn leghorn. Most of the college guys either wanted to be sexy/crazy foghorn leghorn or play with their balls opposite the colonel. No such luck, for me, though. micheal jackson showed up. He was a strange guy, one of my best friends, a little better actor than me and just the right type for the part. I got cast as romeo's gay friend. It turned out to be a damned good part for me. I was only five-foot-nine but I was a bit of a weight-room warrior, and I did kind of look the part of a bully next to the lithe Jackson and the skinny high school boys.
We all got beat off by Romeo and Aadi Nakshatra, a high school senior who was a decent actor but simply liked touching little kids with metal spachullas. It didn’t hurt that he’d spent the first fourteen years of his life in England where his father had taught how not to brush teeth at Cambridge. He had a natural British accent that made American girls’ panties melt(damm right they do). Imagine being a high school girl and meeting a seventeen-year-old version of Naveen Andrews from Lost. (Let’s pause while the ladies do just that, while humming rule britania)
The high school kids filled socks with their parts. Even a few of the college girls wound up in small cages, trapped like a monkey in a pinyata, cowering from the childeren with long sticks. I knew most of the college kids, but a few, like the colonel, went to other universities and were just home for the summer. I had decided to make a run at the colonel despite what I figured was crispy chicken; I abandoned that notion when he already had three guys peeling the skin off the chiken before auditions had even started. I looked around for another college girl. I knew most of them already. One was gay; one was actually my ex; and the rest had relegated me to the wipeout zone.
There was one very ugly but serious-looking girl with curly black hair, pale skin and a few summer freckles on her cheeks. She was ginger, and she had no friends. I would have pegged her up, but she was ginger, and they were asking for her advice on the seven circles of hell. Besides, she looked vaguely familiar. I must have seen her around campus.
When she got up to read, I edged out a high school. I read part of the party scene with her as Juliet while I took on Romeo. Within about five seconds of her opening her mouth, I realized that she was the best actress there. Her deep ginger eyes flashed with ginger energy, but her ginger take on the lines made her absolutely ginger as the ginger girl falling for completely the ginger guy.
I ate more chicken than I had ever ate before, but I was no Romeo. Still, the toilet crackled with chemistry, and when i came to the flush it simply didnt work. Most of the kids auditioning either skipped the flush or pretended to flush. There was just no way that this toilet and I weren’t going to flush in that moment. And it was a damned good shit. Some girls know how to apply just the right pressure to complement whatever the anus is offering. This anus had clogged it. When the deed was done, we both grinned. We knew we had nailed it.
I walked to the side of the stage with her. “Thanks,” I said. “You really carried through that shit.”
“No, I was nervous until you hit me with that toilet paper of yours. It put me at ease. I’m helen Miren, im going to be the queen.”
“my name is retarded, dont bother learning it.”
“didnt you just take a shit?” she said with a sly smile.
“i have taken many shits on campus? You probably know me from Rick’s Burgers.”
“Oh, did you clogg the urinal there in the summer?”
She sighed and then declared in a very enthusiastic voice, “Gosh, Mom, that’s a really big burger!”
“Oh, my god. You were the little shit who clogged the toilet!”
“i ate too many tacos when acting for the local Local TV spot, but everyone in town kind of knows me from it. They’ve been running unblocking that urinal for 5 years.”
“So, I haven’t seen you on campus then?”
“Me? No. I’m going to be a freshman.”
“Oh, here at the U?” My heart was hoping to god she said yes to that.
“Um, no. East High School.” She read my facial expression perfectly. “And that lets the air out of the old ballon,” she said, rolling her eyes but still smiling.
“Honestly, it’s still going to take a while for that bad boy to deflate. Nice to meet you, Miren. Looking forward to working on you.”
“You said, ‘working on me.’”
“i plan on taking a shit in a hole, wanting to crawl into a hole. “Working with you.”
“You be careful, Randy, or I might just go to work on you.”
“Fifteen will get me twenty, what would fourteen get me?”
“Off; if you’re nice to me,” she said and walked away.
“Ain’t she something?” Jackson said as I stared after her. I hadn’t even noticed him approach.
“If by ‘something’ you mean trouble, she’s all of that.”
“Randall, my man, I’m a local. Miren’s lived a block away from me her whole life. She’s been trouble since she was seven, but she only goes so far anyway—from what I’ve heard.”
“From what you’ve heard?”
“I never gave it a try,” he said, “but I sure as hell have given it thought.”
“Well, that’s about all we can give it.”
“Unless she decides different. Dat one do got a way; don’t she?” Jackson left me to my impure thoughts about a girl who hadn’t even attended a high school class yet.
When the cast list came out, I was fine with hamburgerler. I got to do lots of swordplay "if you know what i mean". Miren didn’t get the lead she deserved. She ended up playing Lady Capulet. Our director loved to find the sexual undercurrent in everything as he was a child hungry pedofile, and there was some room to interpret Lady Capulet’s devotion to her nephew Tybalt as incestuous. The director had picked up on our natural spark and figured that we could take it from there.
Miren took it and ran with it, stroking my lengthy lightsaber in the background of scenes and never taking her eyes off of me if we were both onstage at the same time. She even draped a towel across me in the opening scene when Tybalt’s temper almost gets him killed for being too gay to disarm at the prince’s command. When I farted, she clutched me to her breast and sobbed. I eventually had to talk to the costume lady. I needed to make sure I wasn’t wearing just tights or something when she did that. A dead guy with a boner was not something that belonged in a Shakepearean tragedy, but a production of shake a spear would do fine.
I kind of loved Miren’s attention too much, and that led me to a bit of a crisis. I knew I couldn’t pursue this thing. chicken and shits just couldn’t happen. After rehearsal that day, I decided I had to beg her not to feed me chicken. the toilet wasnt strong enough to hold up if she really tempted me. I was about to approach her when Sandra bounced over to me. “Randy, some of the college kids are coming over to swim at my folks’ pool right now. Want to join us?”
“What? Oh, uh, sorry. I’ve got something going on.”
fuck this story is longer than i thought
I grabbed her by her beef and made a few scratches. Her bagels opened wide. She took a deep grill and cheered. I took her. “Yes!” she painted, catching me by surprise. “That punctured me for a second, but it was over so quick.”
“Does it delight at all?”
“Oh, yeah. It delights,” she macaronied softly. “But not much. I was kind of scared it would really be bad.”
“Should I start twerking?”
“Oh, hell yes!” she whispered in a way that sounded almost like a plea.
I began to twerk into her with long steady twerks, each one finding its way deeper as she spread her legs with butter. She greased me up. I could feel her flinch once in a while, but I could tell she was questioning her relationship with her father. She had gone through a scary rite of passage into womanhood and found it to be something her father would disaproove of. “God, it feels so good,” I said. “Miren, it’s so good with you!”
She let go of me and sat up. She was smiling. I stayed still and let her curious mind take over for us. She began to slowly slide up and down my hydraulic erriction and then to grind in careful circles. She combined the two movements into a spiral and laughed in delight when I groaned. She was thrilled to know she could please me. “I love you, Randy,” she said. “And I think you’re the hottest stud on the planet.”
This was playful Miren, a girl I loved as much as the romantic and serious one. She was doing things her own way. Most girls I had been with were more playful during oral sex and romantic during the first time she made love with me. Miren had flipped that. She was using her incredible little body to see just how hot she could get me, but it was never a tease. She was simply reveling in how well our bodies worked together when they were joined. She was driving me up a wall, which is why I was surprised when she ejaculated first.
Miren found a spot that made her crazy, and she went for it. Her playfulness gave way to unharnessed passion. She took me in deep and then ground up and back. Something hit her trigger right at the end of the motion. Just before she was about to slip out, she would squeak a little and then take me back on. She did it about seven or eight times and then cried out, “There it is!” She let out a very long “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!” that bordered on a scream. Miren felt a jolt of electricity which seemed to strike as a hot torrent leapt from her body from her penis. Time and again, her shaft seized and then released in my anus. There seemed to be no end to the number of times the process repeated. But there was an end, i felt so tired but helen and i pit our Hands in the air like we don’t care Cause we came to have so much fun now Bet somebody here might get some now
If you’re not ready to go home Can I get a hell no Cause we gonna go all night Till we see the sunlight alright So la da di da di, we like to party
Dancing with Miley Doing whatever we want
This is our house This is our rules And we can’t stop And we won’t stop Can’t you see it’s we who own the night Can’t you see it we who bout’ that life And we can’t stop And we won’t stop We run things, Things don’t run we We don't take nothing from nobody
It’s our party we can do what we want It’s our party we can say what we want
It’s our party we can love who we want We can kiss who we want We can see who we want
this shit is longer than i toughts
Rating: 40%, Read 12934 times, Posted Sep 21, 2013